The NFL might have officially lost its mind: Spring Meeting Takeaways

The NFL released some decisions and statements during its spring meetings and let’s just say, I’m convinced whoever runs the NFL’s PR is an alcoholic. Seriously, being the NFL’s PR manager might be the most stressful job in the world. Every decision the league makes seems to be the wrong one and the only way you can spin that shit is to drown yourself in a bottle of Jack Daniels. You gotta think that if the NFL’s PR manger shows up to work drunk, Goodell will look the other way. You can bet your ass though as soon as that PR manager takes one puff of a joint, he’s suspended for 4 weeks. Anyway here are my big takeaways from the aforementioned decisions and statements.

No more anthem protests

The league that is constantly under fire for not having its player’s best interests at heart has now forced its players to protest behind closed doors. Kneeling players now have to stay in the locker room during the national anthem. Everyone knows the best protests are the ones that no one ever sees. Nothing gets the word out about your cause quite like sitting in a room where no one can see or hear you. Essentially, the NFL has given in to Trump, which should really help the NFL gain the support of players because so many of them have supported Trump. I do have to give the NFL some credit though, because finally the only Patriots wont just be in New England. If standing for the National Anthem makes you a great Patriot, than I’m going to have to up my game. This season for all Raider games, I am going to stand on my tippy toes for the entire anthem. Hell I might even jump at: “The bombs bursting in air.” That way no one will be standing taller than me during the anthem…unless you are really tall.

The NFL won’t support gambling

So let’s stop and think about this for a second. The NFL is willing to support one the most controversial presidents whose morals have been constantly in question; but at the same time, has too high of moral standards to support a Supreme Court decision. Oh and the same president has publically called its employees: “Sons of bitches.” One might think that if ratings are down and the league is losing money on TV contracts, the NFL might start to find other revenue streams by dipping into sports gambling…but no, once Colin Kaepernick gets off his knee all problems are solved. It is really big of the NFL to release a statement that is unsupportive of gambling, while simultaneously moving a team to Las Vegas and funding said team with casino tax revenue.

No more running start for the Kick Off team

If my memory serves me correct the whole reason why the NFL moved the kickoff up and increased the yardage of a touchback, was in an attempt to decrease the amount of kick returns. The opposite effect happened, so logically the next step is to take away the kick off team’s one advantage. You have to think if the kick off team doesn’t get down the field quite as fast, Kick Returners will have more opportunities to return the ball…but that might be applying too much logic. Maybe if increasing the touchback yardage increased the number of returns, going back to the old yardage might be the answer, but again, that might be too much logic. Regardless I highly doubt the extra 2 or 3 steps really make that much of a difference (in acceleration) for athletes who are 1 chromosome away from being a thoroughbred horse. But I think we’ve established that logic and thoughtful decision-making isn’t the NFL’s strong suit.

 

Look I am still going to watch as many NFL games as possible because I’m addicted at this point, but no wonder Joe Lockhart resigned as the NFL’s chief communications officer and primary spokesperson. His liver is probably in shambles. I can’t decide what would be more stressful, spinning the Bill Clinton Monica Lewinsky sex scandal or working for the dumbass NFL. Lockhart might legitimately be suffering from PTSD having navigated through both.

-MR H
Follow me on Twitter @MR_Facts

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